oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
