You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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