just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
