Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize