if i can run in heels then i can drive
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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