My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
