I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
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He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
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You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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