I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Panties = found
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
