I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
