I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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