It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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