I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
