she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
