she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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