i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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