I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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