Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
