Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
