You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
