I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
