And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
