I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
