im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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