On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
