The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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