We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
