and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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