I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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