you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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