So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
