you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
