Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize