She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
