k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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