my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
