so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
