I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
