He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
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other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
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Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize