I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
