You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
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i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
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As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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