belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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