You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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