Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Pooping to opera.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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