I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
