apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
