Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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