I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
