I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
