I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
