i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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