Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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