The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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