God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
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