she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
