i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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