On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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