So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
