He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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