ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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