there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
