Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
