Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
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terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
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When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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