Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
