He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
