I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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