I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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