I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
