It's Friday. Sex?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
