We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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