Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
