Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
