I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
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I love how my cats smell like pot.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
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We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
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