grandma shit on top of the toilet
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
