Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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