she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I am spending my child support on dildos
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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