no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
