I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
