ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
