I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
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