Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
