If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
