he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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