Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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