Pappa wants mamma naked
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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