my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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